I Hate Goodbyes

I am unsure if senior year was the worst year of my life or the best one. Starting at graduation last year, I was in a low spot because some of my close friends were leaving me to go to college, but that sadness surprisingly fell and I was excited to be a senior myself, one step closer to leaving this place. Throughout the summer my happiness fluctuated because I wasn’t exactly happy with my friend group and how I felt around them, but by the time school started that all past and I was climbing the hill in my little coaster car again. I was meeting new people, the excitement that comes with the first day of school was setting in, and my favorite sport, soccer, was starting again, and we were winning too. All of my other years of playing high school soccer, we were never a big threat to other schools until this year. I didn’t realize that I was at the very top of the hill, dangling, waiting to drop. Soccer quickly became my least favorite sport. The coach stopped playing me, despite giving him no reason to pull me and all while the assistant coaches and parents tell me that they think I should be out there playing. Sometimes they would actually ask me why I wasn’t playing and I didn’t have an answer for them that was reasonable. It wasn’t like I was injured, or not performing well, I was still proving myself in practices and the few seconds I got in the game. My average time in a varsity game was two minutes and 37 seconds and I wasn’t playing junior varsity either. This was a huge difference from playing almost all of varsity the other three years. When the coach removed me from games is when my love for soccer died. The game I’ve played for 15 years is now just a chore I have to do. After every game I felt like a failure. The bus rides and car rides home were spent trying not to cry or full on crying in my seat. If I wasn’t already at a low part in life around this time I got the devastating news that my father had passed away. I was at an all time low, derailed from the track. I thought I would be riding out the rest of senior year down there. Until my friends pulled me up. During this time I had gotten closer to the recent friends I had made. They are what helped me get through such a difficult time. I owe them a lot. With their help I was able to get back on the track and start climbing again.

High school has prepared me for many, many things, but what it didn’t prepare me to do is say goodbye. It’ll be easy to say goodbye to the building itself because I’ve said goodbye to the actual schools three other times. And if I’m honest I was never attached to the school itself. I can say goodbye to the fickle wifi, the school lunches, the carpet, the desks with bars underneath them that are super uncomfortable to sit in, and the chairs, even if they are great back cracking tools, without even thinking of shedding a tear. But when it comes to the quality of the school, the teachers and students, I have a hard time dealing with it. The thought of leaving all of my friends and people that I spend most of the day with, whether I like it or not, is too much for me to handle. Now it is at the end of the year and I can feel myself dangling again. I don’t want to have to say goodbye again, especially to this group of people, but at least I have the opportunity to say goodbye.

Soccer Team, thank you. Despite absolutely hating soccer this year, you guys were the main reason why I kept going. If I felt this bad while playing my freshman or sophomore year, I probably would have quit. The team chemistry from those years was awful, there were so many cliques and the ones in power didn’t know how to lead the team or give constructive criticism. Instead, they would just yell at you and berate you infront of everyone else and then go and talk shit about you behind your back to the other captains. That’s why the seniors this year wanted to be more of a family and go about things the better way. I think we succeeded. To my knowledge we didn’t scar anyone, and I felt comfortable going up and talking to anyone of you. I especially thank my bench group Emma Broman and Willow Daney. What I would do to be back in September on a cold, and probably wet, bench with you guys talking about anything and everything. I wish we could have one more bus ride together.

Greta Dadowski, I have known you for quite some time now. Being on the same u8 soccer team really does bond people I guess. Now we are seniors graduating, wild how fast time flies. It’s funny to think we met when we were that young and now we are the coaches teaching soccer to kids younger than that. Your family genuinely feels like my second family. You guys were a big help getting me, and my family, back on track, thank you. I know you have my back and know that I will always have yours. 

Willow Danehy, where do I start? There are so many things I want to say to you, but I can’t find the words. All I really want you to know is that I love you. Sometimes I seriously can’t stand you, but crazy as you are, I can’t get enough. You bring out a side in myself that I don’t think anyone else gets. I love you

Sarah Conley, I didn’t know I could form such an amazing connection with someone in just eight months. Knowing that in a couple of days it’ll be our last time gossiping in fifth period, our last shared looks in the hallway, our last hallway crush debrief, and our last ride home after school crushes my soul. Time really wasn’t in our favor. I swear I’ll keep in touch when I’m gone if you keep giving me updates on you know who. Befriending a sophomore is not for the weak, but if you find someone as spectacular as Sarah the heartbreak will be worth it.

Alessandra Natali (ALE), my newest friend and favorite robot. I’m so glad that the family in Guin decided you weren’t worthy enough for them because I wouldn’t have gotten to know you and love all of your quirks. Watching you explore and try new things makes me so happy. Seeing the joy and pure excitement from your first football game, your first school dance, making your first basket, or something as simple as the big country makes me ecstatic that I can share these moments with you. I am going to be devastated when you leave for Italy. I guess I’ll just have to visit you. 

Jake Santora, you are probably one of my first friends. From sitting on the sidelines during our older siblings soccer games to reading our senior goodbyes to each other. We have grown up so much. We were a dynamic duo, when we got to the conley’s for birthdays there was no stopping us. It’s sad that having different teachers in elementary school made us grow apart, but I’m thankful that my freshman lunch table brought us back together like no time had passed. I love our rants about you know who and our shared looks and gestures when they open their mouth. I’m glad you are finally able to write with a crayon without breaking it. It took you a little too long to realize that you can’t squeeze it so hard and you need to loosen your grip, but you did (with some help). Good luck Jake, I hope your dreams come true, you deserve it.

Lara Ezjak and Abby Hawk, my chicken and waffle crew. Such an obscure thing to bond over, the love for chicken and waffles. Regardless, I think it’s still kind of perfect that that’s what we chose to latch on to. I am honored that Mrs. Panzer allowed me to take ceramics for a second time because without it I wouldn’t have been forced to sit at a table with you guys and form such a great connection with you guys. We need to continue going to, and adding to, our list this summer. I’ll find a place that serves chicken and waffles in Kent and you guys can come visit me. Love you MAMA and a very special I love you to the baddest female at Knoch.

Dara Patten, my liver. You welcomed me with open arms and I will forever be grateful for that. I’m not sure when we really first met, but I do remember being so excited that you were talking to me, and some friendly flirting (which continues to be a theme the more I talk to you). Last year I would see you and I thought you seemed so genuine and kind, all I could think was “I want to be her friend”. After getting to know you I can confirm that my suspicions were correct. Love you lots baby.

Thank you Knoch. I won’t have fond memories of the nature club in primary school where I watched as the members ate bugs, but everyone else that you brought into my life for the past 12 years have a special place in my heart. Goodbye Knoch.