You know how every grade has those few shining stars who seem to be perfect at
everything they do? Those athletes who are also the top of their class, musically talented, hilarious, super friendly, tall, and the most attractive people you have ever met? (@ Sammy Jo)
Right now you’rethinking of these elite- you know who they are because you have already daydreamed about your wedding with every single one of them. (Trust me- I know this isn’t just me: I have reliable sources.)
Except, you’re now realizing this elite mainly consists of sophomores.
Although there are a few exceptional students you can name that aren’t sophomores, you have to admit the class of 2020 is overfilled with talent. (BTW how do they
already have a boat load of cash for prom???? Us juniors have like $0.16.)
To be honest, I can’t think of any juniors who have mastered the trifecta- we don’t really have anyone who is exceptionally smart, talented, and athletic. Sorry kiddos. But we’re just average.
Maybe I should blame myself for this- maybe if I would have spent every possible hour of my freetime studying, training, and practicing, all while investing in the latest fashion trends and never showing up to school without my hair perfectly curled, I could have possibly been accepted into the elite.
Let’s face it though- I am not elite material. I have the height advantage, but that’s it. They’re all too cool. And too beautiful. And I don’t have the want or time to be athletic-
I have a minimum wage job I must attend and a Netflix subscription that isn’t gonna use itself.
So, instead of blaming myself for not being perfect, I’m gonna focus on the important questions.
What the heck? And how?
What happened to the class of 2020 that they got blessed with perfect skin, don’t know how to procrastinate, and yet are humble enough to not admit their greatness?
(Again, @ Sammy Jo)
Was it something in the water? Is this a “Tuck Everlasting” experience where the sophomores drank water from a stream in the woods and gained immortality?
If so, why wasn’t I invited?
Did the hospital give y’all some organic-vegan-magic-formula so overloaded with super nutrients that you grew up twice as fast as everyone else? That would explain how you’re already super geniuses.
Oh! Maybe we’re actually stuck in a TV show like
“13 Reasons Why” where all the main characters are sophomores. That would explain everyone else’s averageness. I’m totally fine with being that extra who the main character inaudibly talks to and then leaves when a more important character joins the scene. Maybe I could even have my own IMDb page!
Actually wait.
“13 Reasons Why” is not a good example. Too sad. So let’s say “Riverdale” instead. That’s less sad. I think. (Let’s pray Knoch doesn’t have a Ms. Grundy or black hood)
I wonder if Shane Dawson will make a conspiracy theory about this with me?!
Take it as you want, but I believe there’s something more going on here. Something secretive. Under the radar. No one knows the truth.
Hmmm… sound familiar? I’m gonna say it-Illuminati?
Before you laugh, hear me out: the Illuminati has power over everything, so it is very possible for them to raise the class of 2020 to be perfect inductees. It would explain everything.
How else could one class contain such a plethora of amazing students? It makes
perfect sense to me.
Now, I have heard a “more realistic” theory that the class of 2020 is actually just really competitive and that is why they all seem so great. But who wants to listen to the boring reality of things?
The concept of the sophomores being practically perfect simply because they try really hard just isn’t as fun.
But maybe I’m crazy.
I’m probably crazy.
