Welcome To Hicktown USA: Population Me
Howdy fellow rednecks! How are your crops doing? Is your tractor running okay? Are your goats acting mischievous again? Wanna go cow tipping later?***
Okay, okay- I know we’re all not that stereotypical. And I should probably apologize for being offensive before I get the snot beat out of me in the student parking lot.
Living in “hick country,” you’d think I’d know better by now. I mean, to some extent, I, myself, am a hick.
Think about it- my family owns an unnecessary amount of land, my backyard is basically a petting zoo (I have three goats, twenty-some chickens, five ducks, four cats, and two dogs) and, I work on a farm.
Plus… I absolutely, 100% LOVE my job.
Through July to November, I spend the majority of my days selling people fruits and vegetables. I know so many random produce facts that it’s kinda annoying.
Did you know candy onions are roughly 8% sugar? Or how garlic farmers on the west coast are getting run out of business because they can’t compete with Giant Eagle? Or that red lava ghost peppers are four times hotter than habaneros according to the Scoville Scale?
You most likely didn’t, nor do you care.
But, I care! Why do I care? Why do I enjoy produce this much?!
The answer: I’m a hick at heart.
Sure, I don’t juul or dip or listen to country music, but that doesn’t devalue my hick-ish lifestyle.
If I had to guess, I’d say, genetically speaking, I’m 75% hick. My dad is 100% hick because he legitimately grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere. My mother is only 50% hick because she grew up on a petting zoo, but has never farmed a day in her life.
Correction- one time my grandpa grew potatoes in his garden, and my mom took pictures of us grandkids farming the potatoes, so that’s gotta count for something.
But, back to my point- I am a hick.
Knoch is, stereotypically, a school full of hicks. Yet, when you walk through the halls, most of the students appear, dare I say, normal. We all tend to hide our hick-ish nature under our modern appearance.
I’d argue that yes, a big chunk of us students are hicks on the inside, we’re just too ashamed to play the part.
Hick is a derogatory term- none of us actually desire to be “regarded as being unintelligent or provincial.” Don’t get me wrong- I’m not trying to say that I, along with the majority of the student body, am dumb and small minded.
What I’m saying is yes, Knoch students are stereotypically farmers who live in the country. Yet, were all ashamed to admit that because we don’t want to be seen as hicks. Schools like Mars like to make fun of us for being country, but why?
Farmers are the backbone of America. Without farmers, where the H-E- Double Hockey Sticks would we get food? We can’t all live off of artificial coloring and flavoring.
So, yes- I am a hick. But am I ashamed? Not really. Farming is pretty frickin important, and I’m proud that I live and work somewhere where I get to be a part of the process.
Besides, while you suckers are stuck doing dishes, I’m over here eating watermelons and selling your mom corn.
*** Miss T says please don’t actually go cow tipping. It is very cruel.
