Picture this: you’re hanging out with your friends at a sleepover or restaurant or just in general. You’re all laughing and having a good time. Suddenly, one friend pipes up and says “Stop! I’m gonna pee!”
You don’t take that threat seriously. I mean, who would? We’re not toddlers- we know how to control ourselves. But, if I tell you to stop because I’m gonna pee, it’s in your best interest to listen. And yes, I’m being 100% serious.
Confession: I, Mackenzie Mead, pee when I laugh to hard. Ever since I was little, I have had “accidents” when something unbelievably funny happened. My mom took me to the doctors about it once, to no avail. Everyone thought I would grow out of it. But I never did.
Having a tendency to pee your pants seems like a pretty fatal flaw. Honestly? It really isn’t.
Some would be embarrassed by this, but not me. (Obviously- if I was embarrassed, I wouldn’t be publishing an article for all my peers to see). I’ve learned to make a few “Urine Trouble” jokes and laugh about peeing my pants in public. Plus- I have oh so many stories. There are so many places that I’ve had to leave because, well, I “laughed too hard.”
Here it is folks- I’m about to air my dirty laundry and share too much information. Enjoy The Incomplete Screed Of Places I’ve Peed (my pants). (Screed is a synonym for list according to Thesaurus.com. I did not know this information before now, but I wanted a rhyming headline. Consider this a mini vocab lesson.)
1) My Brother’s Brand New Gaming Chair:
I was in middle school. My whole family was hanging out because it was that weird time between Christmas and New Years. What did us kids do to pass the time? Played spoons, of course! My brother Stetson had a brand new gaming chair that he had gotten as a Christmas gift. He let me sit in it, under the conditions that I wouldn’t pee in it. What did I do the moment something funny happened? Peed myself. I have never seen Stetson in more rage than that night.
2) Drama Club’s Improv Night:
Before you ask: yes, Knoch does have a drama club, and yes, we did have an improv night once (back in November). It went a lot better than expected- we were actually funny. So funny, in fact, that I couldn’t stop laughing, and we all know what that means. The exact phrase that led to me running home, changing, and rushing back in impressive time was “You know what else you can do with Poptarts? Dip ‘em in milk!” Thanks Luke Wood.
3) The Trampoline
Do y’all remember that viral video of a girl doing a backflip on her trampoline in slow motion, and then she pees her pants in mid air? I’ve never related to anything more. One time, when I was like eight, I laughed so hard I peed on my trampoline. However, eight year old me was an idiot and didn’t know how gravity worked. So, my poor cousin Lyric who was laying in the center of the trampoline was viciously attacked by gravity and ended up with pee in her hair. She’s never let me live it down.
4) Urban Air
Trampoline parks are a pretty fun place. When it comes to having fun, that usually means there’s a lot of laughter. This past summer, I went to Urban Air with my pals, and after a few hours of jumping around and swinging on the zipline, I ended coming home with a brand new pair of neon pink Justice shorts. Apparently, trampolines and I are not a good match, and/or, I must think trampolines are insanely funny. (Don’t worry- I didn’t pee on any of the trampolines.)
5) Heckin Stetson
Stetson, for some unknown reason, makes me laugh more than anyone else. There was one time a couple years ago when he was telling some surprisingly not stupid jokes and I couldn’t stop laughing. I kept yelling at him to stop, but he just wouldn’t quit it. I peed my pants, and then got very upset with him. I looked at him and said, in a very serious tone, that he was too funny and wasn’t allowed to make jokes when I was already laughing. It was definitely an ego inflater.
6) The Wedding
Last fall, I experienced my favorite “peeing my pants” story. I was photographing a wedding with my mom, and after a long day of running around like chickens with our heads cut off, it was time to eat. Dinner at weddings is usually pretty sucky- it looked like wet cat food, and tasted as such. Absolutely horrible. We kept telling really awful jokes and it was a really great time- until I had an accident. Luckily, this wedding was right across a shopping center, so I had the opportunity to run to Forever 21 and buy new pants. The unlucky part? My mom asked the bartender for a towel because I “spilt water on myself” except… the bartender was such a nice guy that he cleaned it up himself. I was mortified! The poor guy had no clue what he really cleaned up, and he kept using the same dirty washcloth. We never told him otherwise. Sorry?
Sophomore year, I rushed the basketball court after a big win. Muscle builder Andrew Mullen ran into me and I was tackled. Two other girls also dropped. We all laughed so hard, but I took it to the extent of not being able to hold in my pee and peed my pants on the outskirts of the student huddle. Luckily, a friend had a jacket I could tie around my waist. I wasn’t about to miss out on the traditional after-basketball Sheetz trip, so on the drive to Sheetz, I stuck my butt out the window to dry my pants in the below freezing weather. It was definitely my funniest moment in my high school experience.
