The Correct Take

Giving NO THANKS to Turkey this year.

November 22, 2022

Thanksgiving: the holiday of crazy aunts, weird uncles, and most importantly…FOOD!  (Also maybe giving thanks to your friends and family, but honestly, the jury is still out on this one.)  And what is the most well known food of Thanksgiving?  Why, turkey of course!!  But maybe it shouldn’t be…??!!!??  Now, seeing as I have never even had stuffing before, you might be thinking, “Mayhaps this girl isn’t qualified to say what should or shouldn’t be acceptable to eat at Thanksgiving?”


No.  You are wrong.


Now that we’ve established my ~ethos~ let’s discuss the topic at hand: Should turkey be the bird of thanksgiving, and is it even good?  Starting with the pro side, we have senior Makenna Eshenbaugh, a very turkey-lurkey gal.

Staking her claim, she exclaimed, “It’s so moist!!”with absolutely no shame in the middle of her yearbook class.

It was quite difficult to keep talking to her after this, so I hurriedly asked for one more quote on why we should be eating turkey on this overlooked holiday.  The only thing Eshenbaugh could think to say on behalf of her feathered feast is, “Cause they’re always in the road, so may as well eat ’em.”  Hmm.  An interesting perspective, no doubt, but I suppose that really is the only other thing that turkey has going for it to still be the bird of the season.

Speaking on the CORRECT side, junior Paige Wilson spits some facts.

“I don’t like turkey, EVER!” Said the critical junior.  “It’s always dry.”

I think that this statement is 110% correct.  It is my belief that turkey really isn’t good at all, but everyone feels the responsibility to eat and like it as a way to honor the pilgrims or whatever.  Chicken would be a much more appropriate and delicious alternative and the preferable poultry.

If you genuinely enjoy turkey, you’re just lying to yourself.  I beg you, go to Giant Eagle, get yourself a whole rotisserie chicken, eat in all in one sitting while watching the newest season of Too Hot to Handle, and tell me that you didn’t have a good time.  You can’t.  I would like to officially petition to make chicken the new bird of Thanksgiving, and anyone that votes no, your vote will be considered invalid.  Plus my vote is worth 1000 points, so really you have no problem.  This is not a democracy. God bless America.

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About the Contributor
Photo of Lara Ejzak
Lara Ejzak, Editor-in-Chief
Oh hey! My name is Lara Ejzak, and I am a super (cool) senior here at Knoch. I am involved in tennis, German club, history club, and Youth and Government.  I am still making atrocious puns and baked goods that just don't quit! I write articles about school and whatnot, but my specialty is any article that allows me to spew my opinion everywhere because I am always right.  I'm a sucker for a good mango or raspberry, and I am still out on a hunt to find the best apples, so hit me up if you know of any.

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