I am returning to rant for what may be the last time. The school year is ending. We did it! I’m pretty content with leaving high school. My only regret is that I couldn’t use all of my synonyms for “What grinds my gears”. I’ll throw out a few that I thought were funny throughout this EPIC edition of “What Grinds My Gears”! 

So, without further ado, do you know what really grinds my gears? What really…spanks my pancakes, one could say. I hate people with road rage. I mean, if you can’t have somebody pass you without taking it as a personal insult, the good Lord above shouldn’t allow you to own a car. I’m sure you’ll be a lot more of a pouty mess walking to Ross Park Mall rather than driving your 2001 Honda Civic, Stacy. 

How can people get so pressed about things like a new driver in Pittsburgh backing out a little slow, or people going five under while watching out for deer on country roads? It’s ridiculous and if I have to listen to you whine for 30 minutes just to go to Dairy Queen, I’m going to blast Jake in the Halls just to make sure I can hear something worth my time. But… I think it’s time to move on to our next topic.

What else boils my milk? What really lengthens my forehead? Clothes are so expensive. I’m a broke back b****. I found the poverty line and am doing pull-ups. Ask anybody because I am not athletic. Most if not all of my clothes are from Ross. I can get three shirts for like $15 and I’m happy. But if I go to JCPenney or Macy’s, then I have to give them my college tuition and my unborn child. 

I price-checked a belt at JCPenney and even after my grandma’s rewards, it came to $60. WHAT WAS IT MADE OF?! Did God himself come down to infuse Adam’s other rib into the leather of this belt? Is the buckle the same one that the leprechaun from Lucky Charms wore?

Jeans are just as bad! Jeans can be up to $30 a pair now. I have a hard time finding jeans that fit my long legs. I don’t need the only pair in the mens department to be the deciding factor to me paying for cereal that week. 

Now that I’m cresting peak rant, let us segue into what may be the biggest issue…people. A lot of my issues stem from other people. They really water my sandwich. They just really summon my Satan, y’know? A pet peeve of mine is people that can talk bad about somebody for hours without even trying to step into their shoes. We have no clue how people have it at home. Everybody has a mask that they sometimes put on in public. 

Granted, just because you may come from a hard home, that doesn’t mean you can act like a bully. I think that we forget to play devil’s advocate every once and awhile. That one bad interaction you had with somebody you don’t really know doesn’t mean that they are a horrible person. They may have had a rough morning and are just trying their best to get through third period. 

It makes me so mad when people come up to me and expect me to gossip about somebody who has been nothing but polite and kind to the people I’ve seen. People have come up to me to talk about my brother like he isn’t my TWIN BROTHER!  Have some class, nobody cares that Becky gave you a look when she passed you in the hall, grow up and go find a mirror to complain into.

Guess what else whips my nae naes. Do you know what really crocs my socks? I think the quickest way to get me annoyed is by turning the bass in your car all the way up and then blasting some God awful rap. You’re not Tupac Kevin, you just drove me home from your church tennis match. Don’t give me a speech about how you know his struggles while you’re wearing a sweater vest. Unpopular opinion: Having bass that hurts your head not only RUINS the music, but it also makes you look like an idiot who’s compensating for something. Even more unpopular opinion: people who blast bass into their passengers’ skulls in the back seat should be euthanized. 

Now, I enjoy loud music. Having fun with a party song blasting and passing lyrics to your friend can be awesome! My issue lies with the people who think that the more their heads hurt after listening to a song for three minutes, makes the song better. Maybe it’s just me, but I hate when I’m in the car with a group of people and they turn the bass on ungodly levels and between the shouting and the vibrations in my head, I can’t even hear the lyrics to Billie Eilish. 

I saved the best for last. I think that most of you will agree with me about just how annoying this last topic can be. Do you want to know what gets to me most of all?  What d*mns my Daniel? What cringes my hinges? What man handles my monkey? What crops my top? Do you Really want to know, “What Grinds My Gears”? Your mom.