2023’s Two Biggest Consumers of Fabric Softener: Laundromats and Knoch High School

May 4, 2023

The school’s new turf field was an essential addition for our sports department and marching band and has proved to have many benefits for spring sports this year.  With weather being less of a factor, due to the lack of mud, and the maintenance being easier, the turf field is a game changer, literally.  However, there has been one little roadbump for sports: sheets of ice covering the field.  But is this as big of an issue as people thought?

The biggest users of this new field are the lacrosse teams.  Instead of the usual problem for the LAX bros being dreadful greasy haircuts impairing their vision, they had the different even more slick issue of ice on the field early in the season.  

Knoch lacrosse midfielder Paul Kuzynski said although drainage wasn’t a huge problem for the most part, “in the end zone [was] where it usually was bad.”  While it isn’t ideal that there was any threat of ice, especially with how common ice is with this extremely rainy and cold weather is here in spring (proof global warming is a hoax), it’s good to know that after all the time, work, and money put into this project didn’t lead to extreme failure.  

But ice isn’t a male-only problem, this new field is woke and a #feminist, because it has also caused problems for the girls lacrosse team.  When asked about how problematic the field was, senior Grace Gilmore said, “It was a big problem whenever it rained then everything froze. There were just sheets of ice on the field and it was difficult to play.”

This temporary little hiccup of the ice on the field was just that: temporary.  Thankfully, the girls no longer have to “cross our fingers and hope we don’t slip and fall on our faces” like Gilmore said they had to, because the man, the myth, the legend, Mr. Trofimuk has provided both a very scientific explanation and advanced solution for this problem.

“One word: static electricity.”

Although that wasn’t exactly one word, that was the explanation Mr. Trofimuk gave for the field issue.  Apparently, rather than it being a drainage issue like we all thought, the static electricity generated by all the rubber pellets in the turf with the dry winter air somehow caused the puddle of water that froze on the field.  He asked me how you get rid of static electricity, and sheepishly, I had to admit that despite my enrollment in Physics, I did not know the answer.  But after I heard the genius solution, I was kicking myself for overlooking such an obvious answer!

Trofimuk said that the way they remedied this electricity problem was by spreading fabric softener on the field.  Of course!  How could I have not thought of that! Apparently some science crap happens and the softener somehow zaps away that electricity, which I thought was a SHOCKING solution!  Also, thanks to the softener, the field also “smells wonderful” to Mr. Trofimuk, so it passes the principal smell check.  Hallelujah.  He also assured that this isn’t an uncommon problem, and as the pellets get moved around more and more, it will eventually not be a problem at all. 

All in all, the new field has proved to be a great asset and upgrade and is appreciated among all the student athletes that have used it.  Both Kuzynski and Gilmore say that there are much less injuries now that there aren’t divots and slants to the field they play and practice on, and being able to play on a field that’s made of turf better prepares the players to play on turf fields at other schools.  It is no doubt a much needed upgrade for the athletics department and will hopefully act as another wall of defense to help defend the formidable Knoch castle. So go out there, appreciate the beauty and scent of our new field, and as Paul Kuzynski said, “Go Knights.”

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About the Contributor
Photo of Lara Ejzak
Lara Ejzak, Editor-in-Chief
Oh hey! My name is Lara Ejzak, and I am a super (cool) senior here at Knoch. I am involved in tennis, German club, history club, and Youth and Government.  I am still making atrocious puns and baked goods that just don't quit! I write articles about school and whatnot, but my specialty is any article that allows me to spew my opinion everywhere because I am always right.  I'm a sucker for a good mango or raspberry, and I am still out on a hunt to find the best apples, so hit me up if you know of any.

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