Laras Crystal Ball

Lara’s Crystal Ball

Meredith Martin


What’s your most used emoji?  🤷‍♀️

Are you more of a red or a blue flavor person?  Blue

Do you use overhead lights or lamps? I like lamps. It gets too bright sometimes, lamps are more aesthetic.

What are three things you’d bring to a stranded island (survival guaranteed)?  My dog, I don’t know, um. I probably want to swim, so a swim suit. Probably a soccer ball, I need some form of activity.

Favorite condiment?  Ketchup, can’t go wrong.

Welcome to my first ever fortune telling prediction!  It may be hard to believe, but by these few questions, I will be able to give an at least 87% accurate telling of this individual’s future! I am still honing my craft, so some details are a bit blurry.  Our first victim is senior Meredith Martin.

The first vision that jumps out at me is Ms. Martin here being surrounded by several animals, including but not limited to a dog, alpaca, iguana, racoon, and Etruscan shrew.  You will see from her answers to both the emoji and stranded island question that this woman has a bit of indecision in her blood and isn’t too sure of herself.  I mean, to get the shrugging emoji all the way at the top, that’s like 5 moments of crisis and refusal to make a call per day.  I cannot hold this against her, however, as I struggle in the decision department myself a bit.  The five different toothbrushes in my bathroom will attest to that, because maybe one day I want to take Lightning McQueen for a drive around those pearly whites.

If I look a little harder into this vision I have, I see a karaoke machine in the background, however it is simply for decoration (aesthetic) and although she would never say anything, she is very protective over it and will internally rage whenever anyone uses it to sing “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire for the fifteenth time.  However, this is actually how she will meet her partner, Poncho, a rising semi-pro karaoke singer.  As a sing of forgiveness for touching the karaoke machine, this partner will show their dedication and enthusiasm about Martin by buying her a giant Heinz ketchup bottle that fits uncomfortably in her simple two bedroom one bathroom apartment, because you can’t go wrong!  The second bedroom of the apartment will just house a large kiddie pool for her water aerobics, since Martin is all for a bit of aquatic whimsy.

Wow, quite a future coming at this lady right here.  No matter what, though, she will be able to be content with whatever comes her way and live life rolling with the punches.  Also, I will be ready to accept the $70 dollar payment I am charging you for this prediction.  I accept Venmo, PayPal, and cold hard cash.

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About the Contributor
Lara Ejzak
Lara Ejzak, Editor-in-Chief
Oh hey! My name is Lara Ejzak, and I am a super (cool) senior here at Knoch. I am involved in tennis, German club, history club, and Youth and Government.  I am still making atrocious puns and baked goods that just don't quit! I write articles about school and whatnot, but my specialty is any article that allows me to spew my opinion everywhere because I am always right.  I'm a sucker for a good mango or raspberry, and I am still out on a hunt to find the best apples, so hit me up if you know of any.

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