October 13th, 2023. It’s a Friday night. 45 degrees. The windchill is high and I’m freezing as I stand on the once broken bleacher; thanks to the events unveiled during Hawaiian night. As a glacial frost blows over me, making me feel like a fresh cut of brisket hanging in a butcher box, I marinate in the smell of your ex boyfriend’s cologne and the boys soccer teams post-practice musk until suddenly my nose is filled with a harmonious smell; heart disease.
It can’t be. No. It’s only been spoken about in ancient tales and prophecies. But to my 4th senses surprise, it’s true. It’s a Knoch football concession stand walking taco. For the first time in my life (that night) I took a deep, meaningful breath in. There it is again; a miracle. As I bask in the sweet and salty smells of this delicacy, I ask everyone around me if they, too, smell this.
After marinating in this fragrance for several minutes, my friend’s younger sister, Alena Tekely, approaches us and asks if we want anything from the concession stand. It’s my chance. I hand her all the spare cash I can find. A walking taco, I request.
After what literally had to be 20 minutes, I was kindly greeted by that familiar smell. I thought she didn’t get me a fork for a second, but Tekely is no stranger to football game door dashes. I’m handed my fork and immediately mix the fixins of my taco before indulging because I always end up with straight sour cream on top and dry chips on the bottom.
It’s delicious. It’s everything I ever wanted. To my surprise, even a fresh salsa is on top. It tastes exactly how it smelled. As a war of empty water bottles fly over my head in every direction, I finally stand calmly in the center, at peace with my taco. People are yelling at the water-bottle-throwing goons. The student section leaders are involved. Uh oh. The dimwits aren’t listening to the leaders. You better calm down now buddy before we bring out the most officious member; the roller coaster leader. But, not even my warm bag of Doritos can stand this gibber gabber.
Moral of the story, the reason we don’t have world peace is because we don’t eat enough walking tacos.
