You know in soapy drama shows where people confess their love for each other in dramatic and flamboyant fashion? Many girls dream of receiving such a confession, but for me, I’d rather deliver one. To my beloved Oxford comma, you mature my writing, you make me sound smart, and, most of all, you inflate my superiority complex to the highest degree.
The students of Knoch High School were recently sent an email enclosed with a poll on the subject of my dearest subscripted punctuation. Luckily for me, it’s garnered 36 responses and counting. Thank you to my loyal subjects who answered!
Out of 40 students, or 5.5% of the Knoch student population, 60% of them are familiar with and use the Oxford comma. Seven and a half percent said they did not employ it, while a whopping 32.5% of Knoch students that fell for my canvassing trap don’t know what it is!
Well, my friends, you have come to the right place. The Oxford comma, Harvard comma, serial comma, whatever you want to call it–is purely a choice. According to grammarly.com, it’s a stylistic comma that bears no weight on the grammatical accuracy of a sentence.
While that may be true, I am a narcissist. The Oxford comma carries the name of prestigious colleges for a reason. I abhor those of you bottom feeders out there who don’t write exactly how I do, and therefore, you are wrong.
According to a nameless surveyed sophomore, “I am the Oxford Comma’s biggest supporter. If the Oxford Comma has no fans then I’m dead. It looks better, it sounds more accurate to how you talk, and it just makes more sense.” This person has the right idea, but it seems as though the comma is the least of they’re worries. See what I did there?
On the other side of the spectrum, an anonymous junior said, “hi hannah what is oxford comma i dont think i use it but idk srry not helpful.” Who the Sam Hill teaches these people how to type?
In case those lovely examples aren’t enough, a real-world case of grammatical idiocy may change your mind. A publication of Tails magazine featured this line on the front page, “Rachael Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog.” My unfiltered opinion on this sentence cannot be shared on The Knight Times, however, I can say this. If you still don’t think the Oxford comma is necessary, there is no hope for you.
You know who has NO EXCUSE to not employ the Oxford comma? The Associated Press! You know who does not employ the Oxford comma in their stylebook? The Associated Press! You know who’s stylebook is the most influential in modern writing? I’m not going to tell you again, but you get the gist. However, the only reason they don’t use it is because in a newspaper, you pay for every character. Cheap in my opinion, but I can see why. You can live without the Oxford comma, but you shouldn’t!
The moral of my story-rant is that, in all seriousness, the Oxford comma is a wonderful way to make your writing seem more mature in professional writing circumstances. Even our shop teacher, Mr. Hoffman–who almost failed English in high school–believes in the prophecy of delicate punctuation! Confused about how it works? Here is an example: feast your eyes…
“Apples, oranges, and bananas are very healthy,” employs the Oxford comma.
“Apples, oranges and bananas are very healthy,” does not employ the Oxford comma.
At the end of the day, it is up to your discretion if the style is right for you. However, if you want to write like an elitist piece of garbage like myself, you’ll find my unnamed senior test subject’s quip relatable; “Live, laugh, love the Oxford comma.”
