The new and improved cafeteria, introduced to students just not that long ago, is announced to be closed back up for further construction. 

The Head of Construction, Tom Smith, spoke at the most recent board meeting after this change was approved and taken into immediate effect. 

“After some deliberation,” he said, “we’ve come to the conclusion that the cafeteria has become a safety hazard to students and staff alike.”

Gas leaks and water shortages are very familiar with students, especially due to last year’s mishaps. We’ve also been noticing odd smells coming from the cafeteria.

“It smells so weird in there,” said junior Logan Freehling while trying to enjoy his lunch.

Where the smell is coming from is not yet confirmed.

Students are extremely disappointed about the closure, and many are concerned about the future safety of everyone involved.

There’s even rumored to be a secret lair underneath the new cafe, where the grumblings of what sounds like a demonic upbringing can be heard.

Junior Owen Dravis said, “I can hear their voices…”

I’m not sure if he’s hearing the voices of the supposed demons under the school’s surface, or the yelling and screaming coming from hooligans roaming the hallways. 

Freehling for one was quite disappointed. 

“I don’t get why they won’t let us go in there,” said Freehling.

Now students have to eat in their homerooms for lunch and are confused as to why.

“This is so stupid, why do we have to do this,” Freehling continued.

But it seems Dravis may actually be hearing the voices of whoever ‘they’ are.

Smith claimed at the board meeting that his crew may have “disturbed something” while working on the old cafeteria, and is now taking extra safety precautions.

Currently all we know is that the devil, if not something equivalent, resides under the building, and that the construction crew has priests on stand by during work hours for safety measures. Students will continue attending school until it becomes an immediate threat.

Although the devil might be a slight over statement, there is definitely something lurking underneath the cafeteria, or maybe even the old cafeteria too. 

Students and teachers were given vague instructions on what to do when there is a “Supernatural Emergency.” In every classroom there has been a box containing supplies like a crucifix, 32oz. of holy water, an EMF reader, and other things we don’t exactly know how to use. 

Mr. Trofimuk has also been seen walking around the school giving ghost hunters from the infamous show, Ghost Hunters, a tour of the school and was overheard talking about the “raging spirits” that were disrupted by the construction.

Some students are not even slightly surprised about the new discovery.

“That’s the Knoch way,” said senior Ben Martin. 

Others are having their parents question these practices and many phone calls and emails have been directed towards the school board for a multitude of reasons. 

These emails include threats involving a class action lawsuit with the district for forcing religion onto students and possibly causing mass hysteria. 

News stations like Cabot News posted how the “DEVIL IS IN SAXONBURG” soon after the board meeting.

Dravis said “It is real, I’m telling you. Beware the Curse of the Cafeteria.”

I am also disappointed that the cafeteria closed, but I’m not really quite sure what I had expected. 

Perhaps it is just the Knoch way.