As many may know, a recent outbreak in the primary school lead to 75% of the population getting sent home. If you haven’t heard about this yet, it was nuts.

First prefacing this by stating you really should get out from that rock you’re living under, and open your eyes to the plague that just hit.

This recent happening left the hallways filled with garbage cans only 10 ft apart from one another. All were double lined with the ultrastrong Hefty industrial bags because they stood no chance against the vomit that flowed like a bottomless basket of fries at Red Robin ©

In all reality, the CDC was contacted about the outbreak. They responded to the situation with ease.

“Anyone can become infected with this virus. There are many different strains, which can make it hard for a body to create a long-lasting immunity to it,” said CEO and corporate manager, Lee Bola.

It struck as quite a surprise that the district, in fact, had no idea how this epidemic started. As the district deliberated, they questioned what particularly started this flow of infection.

Under much investigation, the truth behind why this pandemic actually occurred was finally found evident this past week.

The culprit of this vicious happening wasn’t a person, not a who, but a what.

The truth rested behind the little white routers mounted to teachers’ ceilings.

Primary school principal, Mr. Mandalas, spoke on behalf of the router malfunction saying, “No one knows why, but after investigation, something within the waves of electric signals for the wifi triggered the brains of students and they all threw up as a result.”

It’s safe to say that spotty wifi got the best of us this time around. The CDC confirmed that the perpetrator of this eruption of puke was indeed the routers.

Many of the victims of the norovirus were friends and family members of high schoolers. Mrs. West’s son Quinn, more commonly known as Baby Puppy too was infected with the norovirus.

“I knew the blasted wifi was sketchy from the get, I never trusted that ‘router’ to begin with,” said Mrs. West. “If that thing ever comes near my son again, someone better hold my earings.”

Students affected by this virus, while rumored to be sent home, actually were quarantined in the nurse’s office. They were held captive for five business days with only crackers and water to eat. This was the only way that we could ensure that the plague wasn’t spread to anyone else.

Since then, the children have been released and the staff of the district are looking into a new Wifi system. The Wifi in the middle school was immediately dismantled and looked at.

Technical director Mr. Losk said, “Those routers were left over from the last tech guy. I think that’s really funny though. I guess that’s what they mean when they say, ‘read the fine print’.”

But until the new routers are in place, is anyone really safe?