***DISCLAIMER: This article is written from the point of view of a sophomore who is not part of the game. Please take everything said in the following passage (as well as everything else I say) with a grain of salt. Chill out. Thank you.

On Saturday, April 7th at 12 o’clock pm, the annual Saxonburg Area Water game began. Formerly, the game was known as assassins. Due to a complaint about the name being inappropriate in light of the recent shootings, game director and senior Ben McMillen was forced to appease such a ludicrous demand.

If you ask me, it’s a glaringly obvious reason to complain just for the sake of complaining. For one, no one refers to the game as assassins, or even mentions the word, outside of social media. If you were in a public setting and someone screamed “there’s an assassin!“, obviously there would be a panic. Fortunately NO ONE DOES THAT. Therefore, the unwanted request for a name change was just obnoxious and unnecessary.

Secondly, the save zones need to stop. Soon enough the only fair places will literally be a select few fields in the middle of nowhere. If you really need that many safe zones then it’s probably a sign that you should be out of the game already. I mean, natural selection, right? Survival of the fittest? Not survival of the person who can whine and complain until everywhere they go is off limits and they’re never out because of some dumb technicality. Hike up your skirt and play the game.

I also feel as though the rule protects you while you’re “on the clock” should be nullified. If your shift is from 4-8 YOU ARE ONLY SAFE FROM 4-8. Don’t make your boss/coworker clock you out. Coward. You should be ashamed of yourself.

On a completely unrelated and serious note I think that the game should be played with paintball guns or even bb guns or even throwing stars. Yeah, Saxonburg Area Throwing Star Game. That’s better.