For the past two years, I have been in first lunch. Which, in my opinion, is the best lunch. It’s early enough so that you’re not starving by the time lunch rolls around and the lunch options are always filled with plenty of food. So, as a third luncher, you could guess when I first went up to buy lunch this year, I was astonished. There were no paninis left, no purple doritos left, and I got like the bottom of the pan of fries (which are soggy and gross). Now, I have been in third lunch before, but it was in middle school. Back then I always packed, but my mom said this year that I was too old for her to pack my lunch and I had to pack my own. Yup not happening; I don’t even do my own homework.

There are some upsides though. If you go up late enough, like me and sophomore Blaze Voltz do, the lunch ladies usually throw food at us for free because they don’t want to have extras, but once again it’s the food nobody wanted. Although, I have to give credit where credit is due. The lunch staff does make some fire buffalo chicken paninis, some decent pizza, along with some pretty good chicken wraps (until the school made them cut back on chicken, smh).

Okay, probably my biggest complaint about the school lunch is, wtf (thats flip, get your mind out of the gutter) is up with the ranch. 50 cents for a little thing of ranch? Are you kidding me? In my opinion, students should go on strike due to the ranch contract negotiations because it’s getting out of hand. Here’s a little secret, put the ranch under the bun so that they won’t see you taking the way overpriced FREAKING LUNCH CONDIMENT.

Wait, I lied, my biggest complaint is the milk. As everyone knows, the milk from the school cafeteria is always like two days from expiring, if not expired. Here’s a little story from the ol’ sophomore year. I had study hall in the cafeteria first period last year, so I was like, “I’m hungry”. So, like a normal person, I went up and bought cereal with milk for breakfast. When I poured my milk into my cereal, I’d say at that point it was more like a pudding than milk. (Fun fact I still ate it because I was hungry.)

Aight, I realize this was less of a rant about third lunch and more of a rant about the school lunch in general. I mean it was also a rant more or less about basic human health, of which the school doesn’t seem to care much about, but that’s just me. In conclusion, just don’t buy the school lunch, Please.

(Disclaimer: This is nothing against the lunch staff. The lunch staff is filled with very kind women who work very hard.)