Knoch Knewz Story of the Week #2
Breaking Knewz: Tips on How to be a Great Athlete
Everyone has a niche in high school, whether that niche be sports or school work, you should really learn how to throw a ball. Here are some pro tips to becoming the next Michael Jordan or whatever…
- Prioritize sports over everything else. If you are getting serious about a sport you should
- Definitely put it before your grades. Who needs chemistry anyway?
- If your vision becomes blurry at practice, you should feel proud. This means your body is getting maximum oxygen, so keep on running when you see dots.
- Scientists from the University of Yale have proven that the only way to play to your fullest potential before a game is by listening to Nickelback… sorry dude, can’t avoid this one.
- Water is for the weak. Every sip you take decreases your playing potential by 2%. Please drink responsibly
- Disobey all established rules for the team such as respect. If you plan on pursuing sports you need to make your own rules. They don’t apply to you anyway.
About the Contributor
Sam Gallagher, Editor
Hello all of you losers. For those of you who don't know who I am, my name's Sam. I best describe myself as terribly cynical and slightly rude, it's how I do. I'm a part-time intellectual, and a full-time pessimist. I am really good at complaining and making people angry. My hobbies include sleeping, eating, and avoiding human interaction at all costs.
