Lara’s Crystal Ball

Lily Crowley
Laras Crystal Ball


Namaste.  My next client is sophomore Lily Crowley!  Before we begin, allow me to gather some crucial information from this young, naïve girl.

What’s your most used emoji? The red heart
Are you more of a red or a blue person when it comes to artificial flavors? Red
What are three things you’d bring to a stranded island? Aquaphor, a pan, and a dictionary
Favorite condiment? Ketchup
Olivia Rodrigo or Taylor Swift 🤨? Taylor swiz
Would you rather be a minion in Despicable Me or Jafar’s parrot from Aladdin? Why? A minion. Normally, I’d rather be a parrot so I can fly, but Jafar’s parrot is stupid, and I don’t want to be him.

Mmmmmmm, excellent.  A lot to work with here.  I am going to focus mostly on the stranded island and minion vs. parrot questions, as they are giving me the most chakras.  This young female is someone who thinks in the long term, as we see from her choice of Aquaphor and a pan.  She doesn’t just want food, she wants the ability to make as much food as she’d choose.  This choice obviously points to her fate of ending up as one of those masked Instagram Reels influencers that cooks food in the middle of what appears to be an arctic tundra with their trusty husky, even though you know they must be close to some form of shelter and civilization considering that bell peppers don’t grow in the Alps.

Don’t think that I am ignoring the dictionary inclusion either.  While this selection might go over others’ heads, I recognize that this is actually a very good choice of a weapon, seeing as it is probably one of the girthiest and best bludgeoning book.  Not to mention, right after you wallop some native animal, you can look in the dictionary and research them!  My prediction-making nodes are signaling that Crowley will star as an extra of the sequel of Akeelah and the Bee, which will feature grown a Keke Palmer entering a children’s spelling bee once again, absolutely annihilating her competition of adolescents, until she is thwarted by a big smack to the head with a book delivered by, you guessed it, Lily Crowley.

Now for the spiciest section: love.  For this, I need to look no further than the minion path Crowley has chosen.  Crowley will go from one partner to another, absolutely committing herself to each one and aiding in whatever schemes they have planned.  These individuals could either be very goal driving normal people, or cult leaders.  Seeing as a minion is one of many, I would say that the latter is more likely.

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About the Contributor
Lara Ejzak
Lara Ejzak, Editor-in-Chief
Oh hey! My name is Lara Ejzak, and I am a super (cool) senior here at Knoch. I am involved in tennis, German club, history club, and Youth and Government.  I am still making atrocious puns and baked goods that just don't quit! I write articles about school and whatnot, but my specialty is any article that allows me to spew my opinion everywhere because I am always right.  I'm a sucker for a good mango or raspberry, and I am still out on a hunt to find the best apples, so hit me up if you know of any.

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