The UFC is bringing the octagon to Knoch High School! After seeing an insane rise in stock for high octane fights in Western Pennsylvania, the UFC has said the hardwood of the Knoch Gymnasium is the Premier Destination for UFC 367.
When Dana White came to tour the school, he was visibly excited.
“This might be the spot until UFC 400,” White said.
But one way to get Students excited, according to White, was to bring one of the Knight Faithful into the octagon. For White, this one would be an absolute no brainer. Thinking of the ideal athlete, with a combination of speed, strength, and just raw power. The basic necessities of a true Knoch Knight warrior. These are the qualities of the unstoppable force, Mr. Colton Abbott, the padawan and student teacher of Mr. Zebrine.
Now, when most students think of Abbott, they see a potentially Bantamweight fighter. But, Abbott is planning to move up to 265 to max out his strength potential.
“If I want to move up in this world, I need to move up in weight class,” Abbott said. “Real fighters fight at 265 and beat up on smaller fighters.”
The real challenge of moving up is fighting hard hitting fighters. You got everyone from “The Black Beast” Derrek Lewis, to “Bam Bam” Tai Tuivasa. But, these guys don’t stack up against Abbott at all. There is only one man on the planet who could even breathe in the octagon with Abbott. Some might think it’s current Heavyweight Belt holder and pride of England, Tom Aspinall.
No no no, folks, Abbott is bringing the former heavyweight champion of the world, Jon Jones, out of retirement.
“I hate that guy. I am ready to give him a spanking in the octagon,” Abbott said.
Jones, the mainly Muay Thai based fighter, hasn’t fought since his third round knockout of Stipe Miocic in 2024.
“I’m really, really horrified by this fight,” said Jones, who was physically shaking when asked about his upcoming duel with Abbott. “He is ruthless in the octagon. I’ve never seen anything like him before.”
“Back home they call me the Horned Frog because of the way I jump on my adversaries,” Abbott said. “Some even called me the Blue-Footed Booby the way I like to show off my intense footwork in the ring.”
Before this fight, Abbott is most likely going to be training up on his Shaolin Monk Kung Fu in Wii Fit Plus’s temple, led in his training by a young Kung Fu master Mr. Morlino.
“I like to keep it simple with the Wii Balance Board,” Abbott said. “I need to go back to my roots, and Kung Fu on the Wii does just that.”
The buzz from the Knoch community is extremely high already, even though this fight was scheduled just hours ago. Safe to say that the Knights pride themselves on the production of the young Abbott.
“In the history of this school, we’ve never even had the idea of a fighter with the prestige of Abbott,” said Mr. John Limbacher. “Give me an Abbott first round KO over Jones, with a brutal Stockton Slap to send him packing.”
This fight will take place at Knoch High School on June 7, 2026 at 9:00 pm.
