From Pavement Paradise to Trump Store?


Junior Logan Klemm is thrilled about the new Trump store!

The student parking lot is a thing of the past. It’s true. So many students have violated rules and trespassed that the administration has decided to get rid of the spaces for good. School police officer Pat Sarnese said that, “If students can’t be mature and handle the responsibility of transporting themselves to school, then they don’t deserve that luxury. They’ll just have to ride the bus instead.”

Apparently on weekends, students are found partaking in illicit activities in the parking lot. From steamy windows to blaring music, the security at Knoch has seen it all.

“I’ve caught an embarrassing amount of kids making out in their cars after the parking lot is closed. It’s really awkward for the students and uncomfortable for me so I’m not sure as to why it still happens so frequently. They act like the parking spaces are a party spot and they’re just not.”

He said that on Homecoming weekend, he actually encountered a handful of rambunctious teens doing donuts on the pavement and blasting music in their cars.

“They were playing that one song that goes like ‘Istanbul, not Constantinople now’ on full volume and it was really obnoxious. I went over to talk to them and they were polite and didn’t give me a hard time but they were

still being disruptive.” (Little does Mr. Sarnese know, that was actually my friends and me that he was talking about. Small world.)

There’s also been a significant rise in tardies this year, according to Mrs. Grantz.

“Most of the culprits are

students who drive,” she says. “It’s not fair to our security at the metal detectors because they have to stay for even longer to deal with stragglers and late-comers. It’s very frustrating and has gotten out of hand.”

Junior Olivia Culleiton is admittedly one of these people. “I’ve come to school late at least 45% of the time. Most mornings I just wanna sleep in.” She adds that if she did have to ride the bus, she wouldn’t be late.

The school thinks that getting up early to ride the bus will be a bit of positive reinforcement for the upperclassmen who are getting lax with the rules.

“In addition to getting rid of the student parking lot, it will only take 3 tardies to earn a detention. We’ve changed the rulebook and it’ll be put into action starting next year,” Principal Trofimuk says. “The district already pays for busing anyway and we want to make sure a decent proportion of the student body is taking advantage of it.”

They’re also closing the doors starting at 7:30 so students will have to get off the bus quickly and get to class right at 7:35.

“If students get to the doors after they’ve been locked, they’re going to have to go to the office and get a late slip.” Most people are not thrilled about this. “It makes no sense to start a new rule and take away our parking lot in April. The school year’s almost done and we’ve already had a crazy enough year as it is; LET US BREATHE!” Ava Fields says.

But what will become of our beloved pavement paradise? Well, the school is selling it to a private outside source who has big plans of turning it into a store dedicated to sellin

g Trump merchandise. They want to remain anonymous since there will be strong feelings towards students getting their parking spaces taken away, and they want to maintain privacy.”I’m just a guy trying to make an honest living. I’m a small-business owner and I agree with the school’s decision. If kids are gonna be reckless, you have to teach them.”

Junior Logan Klemm is pretty pumped about the Trump store to say the least, saying that “it’s the best thing to come to our school besides the Popcorn Chicken Bowl.”

I’m not sure if anything will beat Knoch’s Popcorn Chicken Bowl, Logan. All kinds of Trump stuff is going to be sold at the new store. “We’re going to have everything from Trump

toilet bowl brushes to life-size Trump cut-outs,” the owner says. “I think it’ll be great for the community and the kids can even stop by after class to get merch of their own. Just wait and see, this is gonna be life-changing.”