Tips on Picking Up Chicks (with Chick Master Devon)

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Tips on Picking Up Chicks (with Chick Master Devon)

Devon Elmer, Staff Writer

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Fellas, have you ever had trouble picking up a chick? You ever just feel that no matter what you do, you just can’t get the girl of your dreams? Well, fret not, as I am here to help you in your time of need. As you may or may not know, I am a Chick Magnet. Certified. Ask me and I’ll show you my badge (don’t actually ask me.)  Now, buckle up and prepared to be learned as I tell you about how to pick up chicks

First Step: Approach the chick. Hopefully, it ain’t too hard for you. If it is, stop reading.

Second Step: Activate a power stance. Part of the charm is intimidation, and nothing is more intimidating than someone striking a powerful pose. Be sure to not use one that’s too powerful, as you may scare her off like a wild animal.

Third Step: Feign confidence. We all know the reason you’re reading this, and it’s because you aren’t confident. So, just pretend to be. Not too hard, champ. Fake it until you make it, even if you never make it.

Fourth Step: Hit her (not literally) with a wicked pick-up line. This is the most important step, as if you use what the kids call an “epic fail pick-up line,” you will be laughed at, and will have a hard time hitting on any potential partners. Try to avoid popular pick-up lines, as they deemed “cheesy” by society. Instead, I recommend just yoinking a random line from one of Shakespeare’s plays, as he was a true playa.

Fifth Step: Talk the talk. Y’know, walk the walk. Do the deed. Feed the seed. Heed the creed. Read The Steed. Just converse with her you dingus.

Sixth Step: State your exit. After you’ve finished talking up a storm, very quickly and briefly state that you have somewhere or someone to be. Make this excuse sound super cool, too. Say that you have a meeting to attend, or a seed to feed. This will truly impress them.

Seventh Step: Exit. Skedaddle the heck outta there champ, as you have places to be.

There you have it. My seven step plan on how to pick up chicks. If you follow all of the steps listed above, you should be able to woo any girl you come across. If it doesn’t, may god have mercy upon you. This has been D-Dawg, peace.

About the Writer
Devon Elmer, Staff Writer

Big Stupid Man. Known for acting in plays, telling bad jokes, and being a bad man. I enjoy some things some times, things like: prog rock, frogs, the sweet...

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